Eight Things I Need to Stop Doing

Here we are a month and a half into the New Year, right around the time that all those resolutions start to be forgotten. I made some pretty big resolutions this year. I feel like I've been putting myself on the sidelines of life, waiting for "a better time" to do things. Since having my youngest in 2012 I've been struggling really hard with my weight. It's to be expected after two kids and an uncontrolled Thyroid. That same Thyroid also makes it really hard to lose weight even when it is controlled. I've been putting off going back to school for about a decade, not too long or anything. So, this year, I took on some ambitious goals this year. 

I plan to eat better and lose weight, drink more water, cut sugar, go back to school, commit, be a better mother/wife/friend, take on a home improvement project regularly, etc. I started the year off really well with the healthy eating. Vegetables and tofu fill my fridge while lentils and beans fill the pantry. With all the things I've decided to DO, I thought about all the things I shouldn't do. I'm in the middle of a resolution slump. I ate from two different pizza places in a matter of 24 hours, pretty sure that's not good, well it tasted good, but not good for me... or my kids for that matter. Good thing I'm not up for Mom of the Year anyway.  I thought maybe sharing all the things I need to stop doing would kick me back into gear. 

In no certain order, here's my list of things to stop doing:

1. Making faces at myself in the mirror. I have terrible vision and any time I try to look at my hair, I squint to push my glasses a little higher and to look through my lens and at the top of my head... complicated, yes? Effective? Sure, but the squinting isn't REALLY necessary. A lot of the times I'm looking and then get disappointed and the squinting and frowning continue. I have been caught many times doing this in the bathroom mirror at work and I finally decided, I need to stop. I squint enough, I guarantee that I'll have a permanent creases between my brows in 10 years, I don't need to make it worse. I make faces at myself even when I can see myself. Sometimes I make faces looking at my outfit or my shape. I don't need to be disappointed in how I look, I don't need to make a face at myself, and above all- I don't need my kids to SEE me making faces at myself. Having good body image is just as important for boys as it is girls. They need to see themselves in a positive way and they need to see me in a positive way. If they think I don't like how I look then they'll get the idea that they shouldn't either and that could translate to the girls they encounter in life. I don't need to be the reason my boys have a distorted idea of how a woman should look. 

2. Finishing all the food on my plate when I'm already full. I blame my parents for telling me to clear my plate as a kids, they meant well, but that's a terribly hard habit to break. I think many parents do it. They either are concerned their kids are trying to rush away from the plate to go play and will be hungry in 10 minutes or they are worried their kids conveniently didn't eat those carrots and are now "full", but will be hungry again in 10 minutes. Whenever I run into this with my kids, I let them know that they can get up if they are done, but that this was their dinner and there will be no snacks or treats later. So, if they are still hungry, they need to eat a little more. There's no reason to clear your plate, no matter your age, unless you are ACTUALLY hungry. I have this habit of having a lot or even a little left on my plate and I feel the need to finish it. I think "It's just two bites, I can eat that." When I should really say "It's only two bites. I can throw that away or add it to the leftovers for later." 

3. Procrastinating. I call myself a Master Procrastinator, a real professional. I can put things off until the last minute. Projects and papers when I was in school, cleaning, going to bed, waking up. Not really sure why I procrastinate, but I have ALWAYS done it. I can remember even in junior high being up all night to work on papers and projects. I used to say that I did my best work at the last minute. I think at this point in my life, I should be able to do things before the last minute. If I have two weeks to get something done, I should be able to work on it a little at a time leading up to the end and not rushing to get it done the night before. This is important especially since these deadlines are for myself. I don't really have projects to do at work, all my deadlines are personal. Why would I want to make my personal life more difficult?

4. Being tired. Some of this is because I don't get enough sleep, some is that lovely Thyroid-I'm perpetually tired, but some of it is just pure laziness. If I got up and was more productive, I probably wouldn't be so tired. Or I would still be tired, but I'd at least have a good reason for it. 

5. Spending my weekends inside. I'm gone 11 hours a day, five days a week. I get about 4-5 hours of sleep a night. I'm tired and/or per the above, just lazy. I want to spend time with my kids, in my pajamas, hanging out. Sometimes though, I think I spend too much time at home with them on the weekend. I always want to do stuff, but I make up excuses. Some of them are valid like, most things cost money and there's not a whole lot of that going around these days, so I need things to be free and that's often a rare find. My husband is a huge hermit and doesn't like to leave the house which means I have to do things with both kids by myself and that sucks. It's hard, but not unheard of or impossible. Note: I have a free pass to stay inside from the beginning of December to the beginning of March... into mid March depending on the weather. Maybe the beginning of April....

6. Spending my "me time" poorly. I am lucky that I actually get "me time" since so many moms don't or don't get much. I tend to waste it, but not on purpose. I get lost on Facebook, Pinterest, or Instagram and then all of sudden, my time is up! I'd much rather use my time to craft or clean... that's right, clean. I clean and craft better when I'm alone. It's weird, but true. I'm tired of wasting time. 

7. Making excuses to not exercise. Do I really need to elaborate?

8. Spending so much time on social media or in front of an electronic device. It's not just my "me time" that's sucked up by social media. I'd say, it's like, any time I'm not sleeping, showering, or working, mostly because I can't get a signal at the office... I mean.... because I would NEVER do that.... Right now I'm at the end of an accidental four day weekend. I was off yesterday for President's Day and today due to a snow storm. At various points in the weekend I looked around and thought "I need to unplug". I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I spend nine hours a day in front of a computer at work, often taking breaks to fight off headaches and blurred vision. I use my GPS app in the car every day to and from work (great for avoiding delays in Northern Virginia traffic), I use my phone to Pin recipes for dinner and general pinning fun, for Facebook to connect with family and friends and to check in on the group I help moderate, and then there's Instagram and Buzzfeed videos (cannot get enough of them). We usually don't watch a lot of t.v., but this weekend really made up for that. At one point, my oldest was playing a Lego game on the Xbox, my youngest was watching cartoons on t.v., and I was on my phone and laptop. I'm heading towards an electronics overload. I guess some of that is to be expected on a snow day, but we need a break. I think if I put the phone down a little more, we'd all get along better. My husband swears I never listen, especially when I'm on my phone. He might be right (don't tell him though). I just don't think I'm being the best me with my face in my phone. Definitely relates to my resolutions to commit and be a better mom and wife. 

So, if you've hit a resolution slump, instead of thinking of all the things you need to be doing, think about what you shouldn't be doing. It just might help kick you back into gear. 

A Lesson in Chromosomes

March 21st was World Down Syndrome Day . WDSD was established to create awareness and advocate for those born with Down Syndrome. On facebook, we were encouraged to wear funky socks as a show of support for people that are given fewer rights than women, African Americans, and gay couples combined. (Not actual facts per se, just my opinion).

Over the last several months I have been learning a little bit about DS and how important the advocacy for acceptance is via my facebook newsfeed. A friend of mine gave birth to a baby with Down Syndrome and she was kind enough to let me ask her some questions. I wanted to find out more about DS, the laws that are being presented to help these people and their families. And, I wanted to help raise awareness. 

Tanna is a busy mother of five girls and she kindly took the time to indulge me in my quest for knowledge. Since we don't live close to each other we had to hold this conversation via Facebook private messages. It took us a couple of hours each night for three days to get the answers and information I have put together below. Please forgive us for our casual language and text/internet lingo.

 To protect her daughters' privacy, we have used their nicknames.

I hope that if the only thing you take away from this post is that people born with Down Syndrome deserve to be treated equally and with care and respect, then that is all I can ask for.

Me: So, we'll start easy. Tell me about your family!

Tanna:  Hashbrown is about to turn 11 next month, kick butt dancer. Monkeybutt is 8, incredibly musically inclined. Rorikins is 7, really into cinema. Pickle is 2, loves dancing and seems really good at languages (good at ASL and starting Spanish). Pepper is 7 months old, likes sucking her fingers and playing with her Oball and Mooshka dolls.

Josh is a security analyst for ***company name removed*** and I am a sahm.

Me:  Mooshka?

Tanna: They are a brand of doll that Pepper is positively obsessed with.

 

Me: How did you find out that Pepper has DS?

Tanna: When she was born the nurse and doctor noticed she had thick skin on the back of her neck and she was very floppy. They had a pediatrician come in from the NICU to confirm what they thought was DS and she agreed. So they ran tests.

To be very honest, I knew the moment I saw her.

The second Josh placed her on my belly I could see her telltale upturned almond eyes and knew.

Pepper has several of the physical characteristics of Down Syndrome. So we weren't holding our breath for the blood test results.

Me: I didn't know about the skin on the back of the neck. What causes that?

I know that the eye shape is a common characteristic. I guess, do you know what causes the common physical traits?

Tanna: That wily extra chromosome presents itself in many ways. Such as small ears, large tongues (which is why they often thrust them out) a palmar crease, the upturned almond eyes, shorter arms and legs and sandal toe are most popular and easily distinguishable traits.

These are the original characteristics that Dr John Langdon Down connected when he discovered Down Syndrome.

It wasn't until later on when Dr Jerome Lejune discovered the cause was the triplicating of the 21st chromosome was what caused those (and many other) physical characteristics of Down Syndrome.

Sorry if I'm rambling too many facts lol feel free to holler stop lol

It's amazed me what something as tiny as a chromosome can do to a person's genetic makeup.

Me: Ohh. That’s interesting because there are different types of downs, right?

Tanna: Yes, there's nondisjunction, translocation, and mosaicism.

Me: What does that mean?

Tanna: All of them have the same potential symptoms, but what makes them different is how the triplication was formed.

Tanna: The typical form is nondisjunction. This is a simple failure for the pairs to separate evenly during meiosis.

Also known as trisomy-21

It does not run in your family. It is a spontaneous occurrence. It's common to 90% of people with Downs.

Translocation is when a piece of or whole chromosome breaks off and attaches to another. This is rare, only occurring about 5% of the time and is slightly more likely to occur again in a family.

Me: Ohh wow.

Tanna: Mosaicism is the least common. This is when the triplication doesn't occur in all the cells. So the person is less affected by the symptoms. Only 1% of people with Down syndrome have this form.

Is that too much? I kind of found that part the most fascinating.

****Side note. As a lover of facts, there is never too much********

Me: Interesting that the more rare form is likely to repeat itself in a family.

Tanna: Especially due the common misconceptions you hear.

Well, when you factor in the fact that most parents will screen more carefully and likely opt to terminate a pregnancy then sadly, you know why it's so rare

Fun fact: Pepper was the only child I ever got genetic screening for lol

She flew right under the radar!

Me: Do you know how often I have heard of false positives on those tests? I am pro-choice, but I don't even want to imagine how many pregnancies have been terminated over a false positive.

That's crazy that it wasn't detected. I wonder how many false negatives there are out there.

Tanna: I don't know, but Pepper was surely meant to be my baby!

Me: she was!

Tanna: I had almost 20 sonograms during my pregnancy. Not one of them sent off any red flags.

Me: Did you have any 3d or 4d sonograms?

Tanna: I had 4. 2 for fun and 2 for medical reasons

We got a DVD and a crap ton of pictures.

Me: That's pretty amazing that it went undetected.

Tanna: I did notice her nose was super smooshed (which is a characteristic as well) but I was told I was being vain <womp, womp>

Honestly, I was upset for an entire hour before I realized that the timing ended being for the better.

Me: How so?

Tanna: I'm a googler. I would have ruined my peaceful pregnancy and perfect labor by worrying about something out of my control.

I would have been so obsessed with the wide range of symptoms and issues we'd face that it would have spoiled those beautiful moments my family and I shared leading up to Pepper's arrival.

Me: That's ok, in HB's sonograms he looked like a grumpy old man. He has a birth mark on his forehead where the brow furrows.

Tanna: Bahahaha! Pickle had Walter face too!

Walter from Jeff Dunham, sorry I assume everyone watches what I do.

Me: Agreed! That's part of why I don't test. I would worry so much. I am a planner, but the worry would ruin it.

hahaha yes! I know the Walter face. I have been told that the purple one and I share the same facial expressions.

Tanna: We tested b/c we honestly felt that with 4 previous children we would not be able to handle a special needs child. Apparently someone felt otherwise lmbo

Me: hahaha apparently so.

Tanna: Honestly, I never knew I had this in me. But the second I held her, I knew I would move mountains for her.

Me: Of course momma bear!

So, what type does Pepper have?

Tanna: We don't know yet. We have to have that specific test done. We plan on asking at her next appointment with the genetic specialist.

We tried asking her original ped but she shot us down. She was a bitch and we left her practice.

Not just for shooting down that question.

The woman made me cry at one appointment!

Me: what!?!?! That's terrible.

Tanna: She was. I dreaded appts with her. After a month of disheartening appts twice a week we chose to go elsewhere. We are very happy with our new ped

While basic care of a child with Downs is not much different than a "normal" child that doesn't mean that you won't see discrimination.

I didn't expect to have to really advocate for Pepper until she was in school or being bullied, but our fight has sadly already begun.

I very foolishly figured that since I was just a simple woman who happened to give birth to a child with DS that all doctors would have a basic understanding of DS.

I was soooo wrong!

Me: Wow, but her ignorance isn't your fault.

Tanna: The hospital closest to us outright told us not to bring her back since they didn't know how to treat her.

Me: What???

Tanna: One doctor at a different hospital asked us "how much DS" she had.

We requested a different doctor.

Me: Why did you have to take her in.

Wait, "how much"?

Tanna: Yes, how much!

Me: Oh my. And THEY get paid how much?

******Side note. Seriously, this is a great example of how self education and second opinions could make a huge difference in your life.  Just because they have a degree it does not make them out to always be right or actually have any common sense.***********

Tanna: I said all of it laughed said she has Trisomy 21. Thinking he was joking. He wrote it down and said he'd have to look into that.

Me: holy shit

Tanna: The next doctor was MUCH wiser and had her diagnosed and home within an hour.

Me: haha wow

Tanna: But things like that piss me off. Like the more recent movement to push for Ethan's law.

Me: So, I know she has regular checkups for monitoring purposes. Have you made more trips to the hospital for sudden or urgent concerns?

Tanna: Now that she's older we know what is just "her" and what's an illness.

Before we didn't know how congested was just the narrow nasal passages of her people or if it was an actual illness.

Me: ohh I see.  

Tanna: Narrow nasal passages are a symptom of DS and make it so that Pepper has almost constant congestion. We use saline spray and the bulb syringe on her 4-6 times a day. Every. Single. Day.

It took us a while to figure out she does not have the never-ending cold.

Me: wow. Dedication.

Tanna: when she does get a cold, she get severe reflux and low oxygen levels. She gets apnea and once turned blue.

We opt for a holistic approach b/c its effective keeps her immunity higher than if we chose to use medications.

Fun fact: a majority if parents in the DS community choose holistic healing over meds due to our children’s' compromised immune systems

Me: ohh wow, a world made for you. Over time her immune system will improve though right?

Tanna: That depends

Obviously since I avoid the use of antibiotics as much as possible, her immune system will have a chance to grow stronger. But it will probably not ever be as strong as mine for example.

Children with DS are genetically more inclined to be like their families than anyone else. That extra chromosome makes her extra like her family.

Did that make any sense?

She is less likely to have a recessive gene than her sisters, if that's any clearer.

Me: yes. That makes sense.

Tanna: Good, I didn't think I explained that right at all lol.

Pickle looks like her uncle. Pepper looks like me.

Me: So, she's more like you and Josh than other members of your family.

Tanna: Yes. We thought when she was a newborn that she would look like other people with DS. But we were told that is not the case. She has the characteristics of DS but absolutely takes after us (Lord help her!)

She has Josh's long torso and my oval face shape, blue eyes and long lashes.

Me: What was the reaction of the family?

Tanna: Well, at first we only told my mom b/c she was staying with us at the time.

Josh was supposed to tell her before they got to the hospital, but he couldn’t. So he dropped her off at the room and took the kids for a tour so I could tell her.

Our family used to help with Special Olympics when I was in gymnastics so we had experience with DS. Mom took it in stride.

Me: Ohh, well that's wonderful.

********Referring to their experience helping with the Special Olympics**********

Tanna: Yup

We waited about a month before we told the kids though.

Me: I can understand how hard it was at first to talk about it.

How did that go?

Tanna: We ordered a book called "We'll Paint the Octopus Red" which was referred to us. We read the book as a family and pointed out a few of the differences that they had been asking about. We explained everything as well as we could and had timed it so we had a visit from a wonderful board member of the NoVa Down Syndrome Association.

************* To purchase the book here’s a link to it on bn.com **************

She helped us answer the kids' questions and then they went off to bed and she helped answer ours.

She also brought a goodie bag full of resources and small gifts for Pepper.

Me: That's really nice that someone came out to you.

Tanna: The birth registrar at the hospital had a daughter with DS. She hooked us up

It was a HUGE lifeline.

Me: Have you met a lot of fellow DS parents?

Tanna: I have formed many relationship online with other parents. But I am just now reaching a place where I am emotionally ready to seek out real life relationships within the community.

Me: Are there meeting groups? Like there are for breastfeeding support?

Tanna: It may sound strange, but DS is so wildly different for each individual. While there are certain things that are MORE common there are still too many differences to end up knowing someone fighting the same battle? DS isn't like most disabilities where it follows a path or has a set way of developing. Sometimes it is scary seeing how it has affected someone's life in person.

Tanna: We are planning in attending our first support group meeting this coming Sunday.

While I fell right in love with my daughter and accepted her diagnosis right away, it didn't make it any less scary.

Me: I can see how that would make it hard to bond with someone in a way.

Tanna: Seeing older children and adults with DS can be inspiring and uplifting. But it can also be terrifying to think of. I mean, any parent worries about their child's future. I feel it 10 times worse with Pepper than I do with the others.

Me: There's a million things that probably went through your mind. And like you said, there's no path.

Tanna: I used to just sob when I saw adults with DS. Now I see so much potential. I know I will have to fight for her basic civil rights. I know we will have to fight for inclusion and I'm ready for that now.

Ignorance is the biggest downfall of the DS stigma.

I was ignorant. Even though I had known teens and older children who had DS, I still had no idea what they were capable of.

Me: Is there research being conducted for a "cure" or for a way to prevent DS?

Tanna: Yes. They now have a safer way to test for it (so more people are likely to get it done) and then they're working on a controversial shot that when administered early enough in the pregnancy can correct the way the chromosomes are split. It's kind of a of button issue in the community these days.

Me: I can imagine. On one hand you love your child completely and whole heartily, but on the other, you don't want to see them suffer, physically, mentally, or emotionally.

I wonder what kind of side effects that shot would have on a baby with a false positive.

Tanna: Exactly.

I am sure that before they find a "cure" they'll find a more accurate test.

Me: Dare I ask? Had things been different, and your test was accurate and the "cure" was available, or if someone said "we can realign her chromosomes tomorrow", what would you have done or would do?

Tanna: I absolutely love Pepper and the little person she is today. But without ever knowing how healthy and happy she could be, I would have chosen the cure.

50% of people with Down Syndrome have heart defects and GI issues. Why would I want to possibly subject my baby to those?

Me: I think that would probably be a common answer.

Tanna: I will fight for her health and to have the best possible choices for her well being. Just like any of other child of mine.

Me: speaking of... Let's talk legislation. Tell me about Ethan's law and the ABLE act.

Tanna: Ethan's law will educate law enforcement in how to handle situations where a citizen has Down syndrome. Unfortunately the gentleman in which it was named after died while in police custody due to their ignorance.

The ABLE act will ensure citizens with DS the ability to become truly independent and equal adults. As it stands right now Pepper would not be able to have a bank account. We would not be able to leave her any money or property and such.

Me: what? I am going to have to do some research on that.

Seriously?

**********My Google search resulted in this Washingtonpost.com article Such a terrible story.********

Tanna: People with DS have low muscle tone. They restrained Ethan in a typical hands behind his back position until they felt he was subdued enough to move to the car. While restrained in that position he suffocated since his body isn't strong enough to handle being in that position.

Me: omg. That's terrible.

Tanna: It was a tragic accident, all due to ignorance, plain and simple. I am glad to have already heard of police having taken classes and seeking education on better ways to handle those situations.

What's terrible is how archaic and sad the laws are for people with DS.

Me: I guess there is a positive to come from it.

Is DS considered a disease, disorder, or... something else?

Tanna: It is considered a genetic disorder, or abnormality.

Me: gotcha

Tanna: I have just been informed that it is apparently a chromosomal condition. Josh schooled me lol

Me: When I was younger a family friend had a daughter that was 16 or so, but she had DS. My mom explained to us that she was a teenager with the mental capacity of a 4 year old.

My mom wasn’t being mean. I think she was either going off of what she "knew" or thought that was the best way to explain it.

Now, I realize that wasn't really the case.

Or can it affect people in such ways that some may not be capable of caring for themselves independently.

Tanna: Remember earlier how I mentioned that it affects each individual in vastly different ways? Mental capacity is one of them.

Me: Gotcha. I figured as much, but wasn't sure. My experience is limited and from like 15 years ago.

Tanna: A lot of it stems from how much work you put into them.

Me: Do you think that if her parents had worked with her like you work with Pepper or had the knowledge you have now, that she maybe her outcome could have been different?

ohh lol well you answered my question.

Tanna: Newer studies prove that the earlier you begin working with your child the greater likelihood of them growing to be more independent and successful.

But this is true only to an extent.

Me: Do you attribute the notion of "knowledge is power" (duh) to the new expected life span?

Tanna: People with DS are more prone to autism, ADD and ADHD. This would make it harder for them to reach their educational goals. Also mental developmental delays are common as well.  All because one little chromosome decides to roam around a little. It's amazing the huge affect something so small has on things.

Me: It really is. It's sort of mind blowing.

I wonder what causes it to happen in the first place.

Tanna: Absolutely! Now there are so many ways to detect things. But the main reason for the longer life span is that babies and children are no longer institutionalized for having DS.

Also there's Early Intervention which is a government program set up to help from day one.

Me: It's amazing how far society and science have come and yet how far we have to go.

What does that entail?

Tanna: They facilitate all kinds of help to ensure a better outcome for children. Unfortunately that program only lasts until age 3.

Me: And then what?

Tanna: A case worker will come to your house. They will review your baby's medical charts and decide on the services your baby needs.

Then the specialists come to visit until the goals are met and new goals are made.

Oh, after age 3?

Me: That's really fantastic.

and yes lol

Tanna: There are other programs, but from what I gather that's when the real struggle begins. Parents have to fight for inclusion and closely monitor their children's schooling b/c often fall to the wayside.

I know a lot of parents are pushing for cameras in the special ed classrooms due to some horrible issues coming up lately

A lot of children with Ds are nonverbal and are unable to tell on laziness or cruelty.

Me: This was actually a topic that came up in the group recently (sparked by me of course).

What are your thoughts?

We had both sides be brought up. Protecting the children from abuse and neglect.

Tanna: I wholeheartedly believe that those cameras would protect the teachers AND the students.

Me: but also protecting the teachers as some special needs children have violent tendencies.

Not to protect retaliation, but to show that proper actions were taken to subdue.

Tanna: I really think that they should be in all classrooms not just special ed, but ESPECIALLY there. Kids who can't speak need to have protection and teachers need to feel safe dealing with children who can fly off the handle.

The only people who don't want them there are the ones who need to hide things IMO (In My Opinion).

Me: I am a little torn on having them in all classrooms. However, I have cameras on me at all times at work and you do forget about them. I don't even want to know how many times I've picked a wedgie or fussed with my bra on camera. lol

Tanna: Meh, small transgressions lol

Me: I could see how an educator that already feels scrutinized and belittled by administrators, angry parents, and "standardized" tests would feel that the cameras would just be used against them.

Tanna: But I saw a video of an autistic child who got stuck in the back part of a chair and instead of helping to free him, his teacher videotaped it. You can hear her laughing.

Me: Ohhh damn.

Tanna: I just can't imagine that child feeling safe anymore.

Me: so school is going to be a struggle. Would you consider home schooling her?

Tanna: Originally that is what I wanted to do, to shelter her from all the ignorance and pain and frustration.

But I quickly realized that was no way for her to become the best person she can be.

Studies show that inclusion (sending her to a public school) is the best way for her to thrive.

More children with Ds who attend public school are more likely to not only graduate but go on to college than those who attend a special school.

Me: Interesting, wonder if it's because their peers do it, so why not them??

Tanna: It does push them to work harder.

Me: I will tell you, we had a small group of special needs kids at my high school and they would have another student go with them to every class to help them take notes or help them with their work.

Tanna: The most universal thing I have heard from therapists, parents and teachers in the Ds community is that these individuals are wildly motivated and want to do it all.

Me: Instead of study hall you could help one of them. I used to help one student in a computer class. He didn't have DS, but was still in the program.

Tanna: That sounds like a wonderful program.

Me: At that school, the special needs kids were NEVER treated poorly. On any given day you could see them having lunch with all of the "popular" kids. Seriously, they had a better in than me. lol

That would be the plus side of Catholic school. IMO

Tanna: I'm sure it helps make the child with special needs feel much more normal than if a teacher was constantly hovering over them.

Me: I think it did.

Tanna: I may have to convert lol That sounds like something I would want my daughter to experience.

Me: It was like having a lab partner in every class

hahaha you don't have to be Catholic to go.

Tanna: Although I have been hearing more and more stories of typical students doing beautiful things to ensure special needs peers are made to feel special and included.

Me: I have always applauded that school for student conduct. Never saw a fight or a major case of bullying.

I think people need to raise their kids with some more compassion.

Tanna: Pepper's choices are special school with state assistance or public school.

I am very excited to see how she develops. So far she has blown our minds. She seems incredibly high functioning.

Me: well that's really good!

Tanna: We didn't experience any delays until just recently.

Me: what are those delays?

Tanna: She's not sitting up or crawling. She's actually nowhere near ready to do either.

Me: Ohh, but she's doing really well with her head control.

Tanna: We're just building enough core strength for her to sit with assistance.

She's also not as far along with her gross and fine motor skills as her ECE would like.

Me: I know another 7 month old that isn't close to crawling yet and he doesn't have DS.

Tanna: I am not upset about it. I knew well in advance that in the beginning they do all the things they are expected and slowly there comes a gap between "typical" and DS. The older they are the larger the gap gets.

But I was also told that it is a known fact that the more work you put into your child the more progress you get out of them.

Me: good thing you're so dedicated!

Tanna: I am! It's not always easy. Pepper likes to be stubborn sometimes. (She is half her father after all).

Me: lol true

Tanna: But we have our schedule. I set alarms to make sure she does ALL her exercises every day.

It makes things easier that I am so OCD.

Me: hahaha

What are your feelings on marriage one day for her? I read an article one day about people with DS being married to people without DS.

It was about advocating for the couples that don't always get a warm welcome.

Tanna: Well, I won't lie. Right now I am hesitant. My greatest fear is someone taking advantage of her (if ya know what I mean).

Me: yes. That is my concern.

Tanna: I feel like it really depends on her level of development.

My mother married a man with a daughter who has DS.

She is 32 but is mentally 12-15.

I would not feel comfortable if she came home with a typical man.

If it were someone who shared her level of capabilities then I would be much more inclined to accept them, as long as he's good enough for my precious angel.

Me: hahaha. gotcha.

Do you think your step sister would ever attempt to marry a typical man?

Like, is she aware that she's not quite ready for it?

Tanna: She's in a group home so it's possible for her to meet someone. She talks about boys from what I hear. She REALLY loves babies.

But from what I know she has not expressed an interest in getting married or anything. In my mind that sounds about right. When I was 12 boys had cooties.

Me: hahaha

ohh that's a whole other thing, having babies.

Tanna: Well, men with Ds are sterile. Women often have reproductive issues, but it's not impossible for them to conceive naturally.

Me: All of them are sterile???

Tanna: I saw an episode of Law and Order where a woman with Ds was coerced into sex with her boss and later found out she was pregnant. That episode has scared the bajeebus out of me.

And yes, from all the research I have done, the men are sterile.

Me: That's really interesting. I mean if DS affects everyone differently, why does it consistently cause sterilization

Tanna: I don’t know, but maybe it's like the upturned almond eyes.

The women are varied in their reproductive health though.

Me: I think that’s probably because the woman’s reproductive system is so complex.

Is there anything that you would like to say or share that I haven't asked? I feel like I haven't asked any good questions in terms of helping advocate and educate.

Tanna: I personally want people to simply understand that those archaic stigmas about the cookie cutter people with Down Syndrome (who are always happy and love to sing and dance) are ridiculously false. Like all Irishmen being alcoholics.

And to raise awareness that those old laws need to be changed.

As it stands I cannot leave anything to Pepper if something should happen to me. She cannot own property. She has limited rights. I wish people would take notice of how big of a deal this is!

Me: What happens to people with DS whose parents or guardians pass away and they don’t have any other family?

Tanna: They would go to a group home.

Me: And if their parents left them money?

Essentially they become a ward of the state, much like a foster child unless their parents make plans for them.

Josh and I have been searching for God parents for Pickle and Pepper since I was pregnant. That search has become much harder and MUCH more important since Pepper's diagnosis

Me: Do you already have god parents for the older girls? And I assume you mean legally not just religiously

Tanna: Well, that is pretty much the only upside to being divorced. They have someone to go to already.

Pickle and Pepper are the only ones we need to find care for. If Pickle is old enough, we can leave Pepper in her care. But Josh and I don't feel like that's exactly ideal given that they are so close in age.

Me: ohh yea. lol I forgot about that.

Right.

Tanna: Monkeybutt has said that she wants to be there for Pepper when the time comes. But I love/hate the thought of that. If that makes any sense?

Me: I do. You're happy she wants to volunteer and would appreciate someone that loves her, taking her, but you don't want her to have the "burden".

I would be so upset to split my kids up. I still don't have anyone for mine.

Tanna: I refuse to split them up. I will come back and raise them as a zombie if I have to!

Me: it's hard to find people to raise your kids and not hurt any one's feelings.

Tanna: It is sooo hard! It makes it even harder being a crunchy mother. Imo

Me: haha well the right person will say yes.

I hope that this was helpful in informing you of things that you may not have known about DS. If you would like to learn more about Down Syndrome and what you can do to help check out Down Syndrome Association of Northern VA or the National Down Syndrome Society

I know this was long and you've made it to the end. Thank you! Go get yourself a cookie.



Image of Mooshka dolls found here.
Jeff Dunham photo courtesy of this article of the demise of his show.
Photos of Pepper courtesy of Born Free Photography

Is It Degrading or Empowering?

I was standing around at my part time job minding my own business when an upset customer approaches me. She hands me three magazines and proceeds to tell me how these magazines should not be at her 9 year old son's eye level.

She told me how "soft core porn" should be up higher and in the men's section of the magazines. She informed me that these images were too much for her young son to look at and how degrading it is to women. One of the magazines was this year's Swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated, probably the number one magazine that gets whined about.
. 
The second was an issue of Shape with Sharon Stone on the cover, at her age rocking a pretty nice figure.
  

I am a bit hazy on what the third magazine was, but the woman on the cover was completely clothed and not standing in a weird or provocative way. I think it was this issue of Cosmo. I remembered a Kardashian and subtle colors. The cover photo innocent, the words, well not nearly as raunchy as most Cosmo covers.


I found myself pretending to listen and looking busy while she dumped her feelings of "soft core porn" (words she used at least 10 times, but couldn't bring herself to actually say 'porn') and how she thought better of my employers' implied integrity. Little does she know that I, especially as a part time employee, have NO say in what magazine, book, or toy goes where. I also don't really have a preference on where the product goes as long as you PUT IT BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT. Publishers have the power in where their product gets placed. The almighty dollar always winning out. But allow me to get back to the point at hand.

I felt conflicted on this issue that she partially was blaming on her child's innocence and her being a God fearing Christian (not the same as other Christians). The other part she was attributing to being degrading. In turn making it a women's issue.

On one hand I agree that the phrase "sex sells" is just pathetic, despite it's truth. I know it's true, I just wish that the word 'sex' was instead replaced with 'sexy women' because we usually don't associate an image of a sexy man or ACTUAL sex being the thing selling the thing....

I know that these women were primped, covered in make, and Photoshopped to high hell. That is MY issue with these images. The fact that we don't value our natural and real beauty. We are applauding Sharon Stone for looking so fabulous at her age, why not go all out and show the world how great she looks without the touch ups. The photoshopping is outrageous these days. We really don't know what celebrities look like unless we catch them in real life running errands. I guess that's why paparazzi and cheap celebrity magazines sell so well. We HAVE to know that this celebrity has bags under their eyes or that one skips a shower once in a while too.

My problem with all of this is that these unrealistic expectations are the standard we are being held to. Like seriously? How is a girl that's had two kids, has no energy, and a thyroid condition supposed to do with that?? Guess I'm lucky I married a guy that says I'm beautiful when I'm in my p.j.'s and looking an absolute wreck. (I have told him to get his eyes checked, but he doesn't listen). But not everyone is as lucky as I am to be surrounded by people who support them and praise them. My mother, she's the WORST person to go clothes shopping with, she says everything looks good. Which isn't at all possible to be true. So, I'm lucky.

There are girls in this world that are not being told that they are beautiful no matter their shape or size. No ever sits them down and says "Hey, those women aren't real. Don't think you have to be them to be beautiful. Being a genuine, good person is what matters." The statistics of girls with low self esteem and eating disorders is absolutely heart breaking. Check out this article I found from nyc.gov.

Here is where I am torn. With the decline in honest beauty comes a need for empowerment. Women need to find their inner awesome. Women are still viewed as the weaker sex. Why? Women can be the hunter and the gatherer. We can bear the children and bring home the bacon. I have secret conspiracy theory that many, many years ago men realized this and by brute force and some charming trickery made themselves out to be the better of the two.

Any way....

We have to fight for better pay, better jobs, political office, freedom to publicly breastfeed, and a million other things. Why do we also have to fight for what's beautiful about ourselves? With the quest for our empowerment shouldn't that mean we get to make our own choices of what we do with our bodies? Doing things like showing it off? You can bet your ass that as soon as I am comfortable in my own skin again, I will be posting bikini pictures on Facebook. So, why, when a women is comfortable in her own skin do we then judge her, or put her down, or discredit her for doing what we all wish we could do? Is there where being catty and the "mommy wars" come from? We hate ourselves so we put down those that don't?

I'd have a tough time trying to think of a better way for a woman to show that she is in charge of herself worth than when she's telling the world "check me out. I am amazing." and sometimes people choose to do that via photographs and some choose to do that via position of Secretary of State. So I applaud these women. They were either blessed with great genes or they work harder to upkeep their bodies than I could ever imagine. Giving up things like ice cream and french fries. I of course envy them, not for their bodies (well maybe a little), but for their confidence.

So, when we say "these photos are degrading to women" what do we mean? Degrading to women that lack their confidence and up-kept bodies, and some Photoshop wizard's handy work? Degrading to the individual putting themselves on display for the whole world to judge?

I will admit that I have posted and supported videos and articles to stop the objectification of women. I still stand by the fact that women are objectified and viewed as things or "creatures" instead of smart, talented, and confident humans. I think people that think only skin deep and people that are offended by these images are a combined force of objectification. It isn't dirty until you say it is. So when I see you objectifying women, that's when I'll call it out.

There's also another layer to this. Since when did the human body become something to be ashamed of? Before Eve bit the apple man and women lived naked and unaware. We know that, so why can't we go back to how things were? The American culture is so squeamish! You don't find body shame in many European countries. They don't have "women's issues" like we do here. Seeing a bare breast on t.v. is not traumatizing, it's natural. EVERYONE has nipples. Being taught to be ashamed of your body creates poor self image, which creates low self esteem, which, ding, ding, ding, leads to eating disorders and depression. If that customer that started this whole thing for me believes that we were created in God's image (she told me to have a blessed day, so one would assume that is how she feels), then how can she also teach her son that the female body is shameful and not meant to seen?

So the questions become... Should we teach our children, both boys and girls, that the images we see in magazines and in movies aren't real? YES. Should we teach our children, both boys and girls, that they get to define their self worth? Again pointing out that can be done via Secretary of State, Stay at Home Mom/Dad, or model. YES. Should we teach our children, both boys and girls, that what a woman does with her body is her choice? YES. Should we teach our children, boys and girls, that the human body is nothing to be ashamed of? YES!!!

Let me leave you with a short list of multi-talented, smart, and beautiful women. Then you go google them:

Mayim Bialik
Natalie Portman
Hedy Lamarr
Christy Turlington
Brooke Sheilds
Eva Longoria
Lisa Kudrow
Tia Mowry-Hardrict
Tamara Mowry-Housley

Cue Katy Perry's Roar.....


Shape cover image from This USA Today article

Sports Illustrated image from This usmagazine.com poll
Cosmopolitan cover from this site Cosmopolitan UK

Don't you just hate it when....

You say you'll post on your blog more and 2 months later you've made yourself a liar.

You get your laptop, coffee, and baby all set up and quiet at the coffee shop, only to have to pee and you know you should change the kids diaper too.

You go out to eat at a nice resturaunt or shopping at a store and need to change a diaper and there isn't a changing station. Just that awkwardly tiny spot in between sinks.

You get handed things from strangers, like business cards from "relationship coaches" that say things like "God is Love and Sexuality" and are told to visit their website. Then they decide sitting next to you and letting their companion eat potato chips with their mouth open is ok.

 You know exactly what you want, but don't know how to execute your plan- or the funding.

You're an adult with children of your own, but some how you still get in "trouble" for shit your sibilings do.

You run into someone you've met a million times, but still don't remeber who they are completely and it takes you an extra 5 minutes to catch up. But your cordial hello/goodbye is way past over. Making you look like a scatter brained, weirdo. Again. As always.

You refuse to get the flu shot every year and then spend all of flu season in fear.

You've been online for an hour and all you have accomplished is check facebook and run a Norton scan.

This is the best idea for a blog post you have in 2 months and you still never got up to pee or change that diaper.

I have a better idea for a blog post, but I have to get some ducks in a row before I can get my other ducks in a row. I know that sounds weird, but I tend to start projects and not finish them. So I want to get somewhere with my new project before I start blabbing about it.

Where did the time go?

It's been almost two months since I've posted!!! I feel like such a bum.

I've been without internet more so in the last month than normal. I started back to work, moved, and now the holidays have begun.

aflfkajdfljadfkljf

I'm going to write a super fantabulous blog, a blog to blow your mind. Yea, as soon as I find a great topic and some time.

I want some suggestions. Give me a topic and let's see what kind of crum I can spit out. Seriously, writer's block might be factor in my failure to post....

Give me some suggestions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tell me how you really feel...

I have been thinking a lot about what I wanted to write about today, just sorting through ideas and what not. And as I was researching one topic another one came to mind. I was researching what Attachment Parenting was and I clicked on a tab dedicated to the API view on discipline. If you want to find out about AP I will write a blog about it one day, until then just visit their website here. Whether or not you are for, against, or indifferent to AP, they have a good point in their beliefs and I like what I have read so far.

So, I guess you're wondering what the topic is huh? It's negative emotions. Yes, researching parenting techniques led me to want to write about negative emotions. Not just in general, but my own.

I want to point out that I know no one cares about my personal problems and it's my own fault for whatever may come from me discussing my feelings to the internet. I also want to point out I don't care. And for those that know me, I never want to discuss this post in "real life". Ever. Moving on.

I finally admitted to myself that I am a very angry person and I have been for a long time. I'm not sure why. I have a job that pays the bills (most days), a husband that loves me (most days), two sons that I wouldn't trade for the whole world (most days), and great friends (most days). Perhaps a good therapist is in my future haha. I have been struggling a lot this year with my negative emotions, mainly my anger. As a family we weren't communicating very well. There were a lot of changes happening in our life and it was easier to ignore the problems then to face them. It greatly impacted my marriage and not in a good way. I was just angry all the time. I have heard and read that anger is a secondary emotion; meaning that an emotion such as fear or sadness causes the angry emotion.

To me anger is a three layer issue.

1. Something causes a negative emotion, exhaustion perhaps.

2. Something stirs up all your emotions; let's say a snarky comment from your significant other.

3. Your brain chooses another emotion, anger. It's so much easier to be angry and say ugly things than to eloquently express how much you didn't like it. And it's even easier to be angry when that is always the go to emotion; it's what you're used to.

4. A three hour screaming fight ensues followed by an hour of crying. (I may or may not have firsthand experience.)

All this happened because you were tired. Ok, so that seems to be a four layer issue, but you know they vary. Until you realize what emotion prompted the anger emotion you'll never get to the root of the problem. It's not always so easy to admit "I'm afraid" or "I'm sad".

Since having the baby a month ago I have experienced a bit of the "baby blues", it happens to a lot of women and as I read in my "going home" packet from the hospital so do some men. A baby impacts your life in so many ways, often times you don't even realize how much. For instance, I am not yet ready to take a shower when I am home alone with the baby. Which really stinks when you stink? With those baby blues a lot of anger has come with them. So in theory there have been a lot of other negative emotions on top of other negative emotions. Now, don't get me wrong I haven't been this happy with my life in a long time. For the second time, my life has been changed forever, for the better by a little baby boy and I could never imagine a life without Linc and HB. Hearing my oldest son tell me how much he loves his little brother melts my heart and tells me I have done at least one thing right with that kid. I taught him to love.

Still, you can't predict or over rule how your body or mind decides to feel. Good or bad.

I was thinking the other day about the term "Mother's guilt". Generally it refers to the guilt one's mother gives their children. You know the "I gave up being a Vegas show girl to raise your kids and you can't even bring me flowers on my birthday." type guilt. Because it was TOTALLY your choice for your mother to raise you instead of living her dreams. No, I mean the guilt WE feel as mothers. Mothers get judged a lot. "Oh, you're not breast feeding?" or "You put your baby in short sleeves? It's 70 degrees outside. The wind might BLOW!!" Then there are the 50 million other times we judge ourselves or make ourselves feel guilty. "I shouldn't be mad that my kid wants to behave like one when I want him to behave like an adult. He doesn't get to be a kid nearly as long as he has to be an adult." or "If I could stay home and not work, my house would be clean all the time, I would teach them French, and serve a home cooked meal." There are a million other situations, but all of them have a negative effect. They hurt our feelings, cause worry, and make us feel inadequate. In other words, it sucks. Maybe that's why women feel the need to pass along the guilt? Misery loves company?

So what do you do when you're overwhelmed, tired, stressed, sad, feeling guilty, afraid, and angry all at once? How do you figure out what feeling is creating the anger? How do you deal with your emotions properly? How do you make yourself happy? How do you express what you are really feeling and not just the anger? No really, I want to know. I haven't got a clue.

I do know one thing. Recognizing you are having emotional problems is the first step. Especially if those are feelings of harming yourself or others. Every person has someone they are meant to save and vice versa.

All the things that create my negative emotions are the things that create my positive emotions. That's just how it works. I guess I have to try harder to let go and enjoy them.

Am I ready for this??

Fact: I have problems finishing things I start.
Fact: I throw myself into crazy, fun projects that require more of my time and attention than I have to give. Then the first fact kicks in. 
Fact: I am afraid I have done it again.

I cannot recall how it happend or what I was doing to spark the interest. All I know is that one day I was at work ( I assume this is the case as I have limited internet access at home... but shhh, don't tell) and I got the idea that I should Cloth Diaper. I would have looked at you like you had two heads and had asked me to drink the Kool-Aid if you had suggested Cloth Diapering to me just a minute before I had my change of heart.

Well, anyway I don't know how it happend or what it was that triggered my obsession. It's all just a blur. I started researching. I wanted to know EVERYTHING. How they work, how you wash them, what styles there were, what were the benefits, what were the draw backs. All of it. I had to know. Once I found out how much I could save, and how rare it is for CD babies to get rashes, and how ADORABLE the patterns were, I was hooked.

I found tons of forums, blogs, and online retail shops. I got to read from real moms their own experiences and that really helped me make the choice to switch.

Reasons why I want to Cloth Diaper.....

My oldest could get a diaper rash as easy as it is to tie your shoe and at two weeks old I have already had to break out the diaper rash cream for HB. All the horrible things that disposable diapers are made of are the main reason for this.

Did you know that diapers that end up in the landfills will out live us all? They are made of so many chemicals and platics that just won't break down. It's disgusting. As a parent, how can I sit here and dream for a better future for my kids, save for their college tuitions, and hope they are more successful, happy, and healthier than I am and then literally throw their crap in a pile and hope for the best? That's just not right.

For anyone that has had to regularly change a disposable diaper, you have seen or heard of those "crystals" that are inside disposable diapers. It's been a while since I've had to change a diaper, but already I have had to wipe that crap off of HB. And his diaper hadn't even exploded!!! How can a fully intact diaper let that junk out? And from a reputable disposable diaper brand! Do you know what that stuff is?? It's what they beleive caused Toxic Shock Syndrome from the use of tampons. They removed it from tampons in 1985, but it is still allowed in diapers and feminide pads.

So after all my research I discovered that CD will be cheaper, safer, softer, more responsible, and just as convienant as disposables. How could I say no.

I decided that All In Ones and Pockets would be most likely be best for us. I need quick and easy and low maintenance. Since I am a WOHM, I won't be the only one changing diapers (thank goodness!). So far I have only purchased pocket style diapers. At some point I will buy some AIO's and potentially some other types as well. I love to shop for shoes and purses, they are my weakness. I mean clothes are great, but if you saw the amount of extra fat that my stomach, thighs, and ass have accumulated after 2 kids, you would understand why I would much rather purchase things that will never be too small. With that said, I may have found my new buying obsessions. They are just sooo cute! And worth every penny.

The other day I finally decided I had to wash them for the first time. Much like new underwear or sheets. You want to wash them before you use them. I have ben avoiding doing this since they arrived in the mail over a month ago. I was so nervous. See, different brands and fabrics all have different washing instructions. As do the wet bags (bags that you put dirty diapers in between washes and during outings).

Once they were washed and dried, I had no excuse to put it off any longer. I had to start using them. Since I didn't get newborn size diapers I had to wait until HB was big enough to use the ones I did purchase. At his 2 week check up he indeed was over 8 pounds, so I had no reason not to start. I really was secretly hoping he was still too small that first day. He wasn't.

They are a bit big and his newborn clothes are now almost too small. It took me a good 10 minutes to adjust his car seat before leaving the house today. In the next couple months they will look less like a bad butt implant and more like a normal diaper.

I am happy to report that we are 43 hours into Cloth Diapering and doing just fine. I really feel like WonderWOHM today. I even decided to leave the house today and I didn't bring any disposable diapers! Which is a bit funny to me since I thought we would just Cloth Diaper during the day and use disposables at night. Now I don't even think we'll see another disposable in my house.... Unless I get lazy with the laundry.... which is a possibility since I HATE to do laundry....
(Which takes me back to the first three lines of this post....)

If you are a parent of a child in diapers or one day will be a parent, I really urge you to consider cloth. No matter what stage of diapers your child is in. They make potty training cloth diapers, diapers can be used for multiple children, and have an amazing resale value. Yes, you can sell your used cloth diapers. Reduce. Reuse. Rediaper.

I would like to say that I am part of a generation of parents that want to give back to our kids and make up for mankinds mistakes by preparing a cleaner and less wasteful planet.

I HIGHLY recommend reading Changing Diapers: The Hip Mom's Guide to Modern Cloth Diapering by Kelly Wels. It reassured me that I was making the right choice and answered so many questions that I searched all over the internet for. I'm not sure if it is available in e-reader format. I have a copy I will loan out if anyone is seriously considering the switch. I will attach some links to websites that helped me the most!
kellyscloset.com
diapershops.com
kellywels.com
allaboutclothdiapers.com

These are just a couple and my favorite.... I'll add more as I find them and remember them!
And as a CD mommy told me "It's just laundry and they're just diapers."